Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Suicidal Wife’s “Resurrection” Spurs Online Discussion of Fidelity

[See more content at tealeafnation.com!]

Skeletons
Is it a New Years’ miracle? An elaborate media charade? A Greek tragedy? Microbloggers on Weibo, China’s Twitter, diverge sharply on the story of Xiao Yanqin, the betrayed young wife who reportedly commited suicide on Christmas day, only to appear, very much alive, for a January 1 interview on Beijing television after her “resurrection” was announced one hour before the new year.

In the interview, Xiao states she attempted suicide on December 25, two years to the day after registering to marry Jiang Hong, the ex-husband she divorced in November 2011. Discussion of divorce began after Xiao obtained hotel records proving Jiang’s dalliances with another woman.

Before attempting suicide, Xiao wrote a farewell note over 10,000 characters long (Chinese) detailing what she had discovered and when. Her brother posted the note online the next day, and although he quickly pulled it back down, it had already gone viral and made a celebrity of Xiao. On January 1, she appeared on television to explain how, after her sister discovered her attempting to hang herself and intervened, her close family agreed not to reveal that Xiao was still alive. But upon learning of the outpouring of emotion her letter had stirred online, Xiao said, she felt compelled to come public. The interview ended with Xiao bowing deeply to the camera and apologizing to netizens, loved ones, and friends.

Discussion of this wild turn of events, and the larger social issue of mistresses, colloquially known as “little thirds” in Chinese, has generated almost 8 million comments on Weibo. Xiao’s ex-husband has issued statements on Weibo asking outsiders not to rush to judgment, and condemning Xiao’s “fake death” and “the team behind the hype.”

Indeed, many netizens doubt the veracity of Xiao’s story. They say they feel used, that Xiao should be ready for her fans to “defect,” and that netizens’ “embarrassment will turn to rage” over the “dirty trick.” One offered a rather unique take: “If it’s really [just] hype, then I admire [Xiao]! … Try asking how many women in the world swallowed their pride [and put up with it] when faced with their husband’s little third? Xiao, if it’s hype, then you’re my idol.”

Yet there is no shortage of netizens calling Xiao’s ex-husband “scum.” One addressed Jiang directly: “You aren’t qualified to speak on this. Who do you think you are, the State Department, issuing declaration after declaration?”

Many microbloggers have reflected on the prevalence of “little thirds” generally, some with applause. One commenter tweeted happily, “I’ve finally become someone’s little third!” Another wrote, “[Being] a little third is great, it proves you’re young and have a market.” Explaining why men sleep with their mistresses but seldom marry them, one netizen wrote that “the little third issue can be traced back to an economic theory: diminishing marginal utility. ‘Going off track’ [a Chinese term for having an affair] at its root is just pursuing carnal satisfaction.”

The use of economic terminology is likely not intended as humor. Although Jiang Hong himself is not reported to be rich, many Chinese men who pursue mistresses exploit wealth differences between them and their intended target. The “little thirds” are often lured with paid rent or gaudy gifts, while the men often see their comely acquisitions as status symbols.

Mistresses thus trigger a pain point in the broader community, as modern avarice collides with the Confucian values that still lie at Chinese society’s sometimes-hidden roots. Netizens have responded to earlier stories of other, particularly shameless mistresses with outrage, sometimes conducting “human flesh searches” to ascertain and then publish their identities. From this perspective, it is understandable why netizens are angry and confused by the possibility that Xiao Yanqin, the supposed victim, may have outmaneuvered them.

Despite these strong feelings, most netizens view mistresses as problems requiring nuanced solutions. One wrote, “If my father had an affair…I would hope that my parents would forget about the past and find a way to muddle through, however unwillingly.” A married commenter wrote, “I always ask my husband, what are you off to do? His usual answer is: To find a little third! I thought that’s quite funny [but] from now on I will make sure he is not lying.”

Mistress aside, polling on Weibo shows a plurality of users agree that it isn’t about the “little third” at all–the man is the key actor. That may signal a healthy shift in a society that, like many others, still holds women and men to different standards. One post lamented this status quo:

Woman: I’ve already got a boyfriend. Man: I don’t mind, I still like you. Bystanders: What infatuation!
Man: I’ve already got a girlfriend. Woman: I don’t mind, I still like you. Bystanders: [Expletive]! What a shameless ‘little third!’